If I'm not doing stuff, the voices in my head tell me to kill myself. That's why I'm always on the move. You can't let things stagnate. A dull, stale, grey afternoon where all the curtains are closed, you don't let any fresh air in, and the must and dust of daily life creeps into your very soul. It's a wonder it hasn't gaslit me to do so so far. And then I remember why: Spite. Fuck 'em. Fuck all them. I can do it. I can live until I DIE. And not something dramatic, like a murder or suicide. No no, something boring. I'll die when I'm GOOD AND DAMN READY at the ripe old age of 75 or whenever the fuck the average life expectancy of Joe Schmoe is from heart disease or cancer or what-have-you common causes of death. That's the thing nobody prepares you for. That you're not special. Is it all a lie? A façade? He who fakes competence should see to it that in the process he does not become competent. But you can't stop it. Nobody really knows what they're doing. A baby cries because it has no self-soothing mechanisms. It cannot stop crying. Not until its needs are met.

John Michael Smith peered at the chicken scratch scrawled on the paper. What is this lunatic going on about? "Sounds like mass shooter material to me," he thought. What a shit job. But you needed the money to live in this capitalistic age, so he didn't ask too many questions. You get too deep, too emotionally invested, and it starts eating you up. Just like that Nietzsche quote. "Huh, come to think of it, didn't this guy write that down in his manifesto or whatever this is?" He scanned the page looking for confirmation. Yep. There it is: "He who fakes competence should see to it that in the process he does not become competent." Smith was almost certain that was a quote from that… what was Nietzsche, a philosopher? Yeah.. Yeah, that philosopher. The original was about monsters and abysses or something. The last thing you want to do on this job is spiral.

He shut his mind up and focused on the job. Where did that little shit go? Mailing this letter to his parents and school. Didn't even have the courtesy of even personalizing them to each target audience. Like a mass market email. Psycho spam. It didn't seem like the body of the letter gave any much hints at all. What was his motivation? He decided he needed to give it another look. He's… saying he's going to act, otherwise he'd have to kill himself. Is that necessarily a violent act? It didn't say. None of the usual telltale signs. No rage, or resentment, or bedwetting or forest animal killing. So it was fair to say he could rule out psycho killer. If anything, it sounded like the kid was depressed. But then there's the passage about spite. Is that his form of revenge? He's not talking about bloodshed. He's talking about holding up a high middle finger to the world trying to make him kill himself.

He considered the profile of the kid. It was exactly what you expected. Quiet, loner, sensitive, didn't fit in with his peers, brilliant, yadda yadda yadda you've heard it a million times before. Why don't these assholes find a therapist or fuck a girl or do literally anything else except go AWOL? He looked at the envelope the message was sent in. Nothing. That kid was long gone by now.

Do people even fuckin' read these? Merry Shitsmas and all that. Had fun at TMG. You guys are cool. Thanks @Hibachi for signing my Too Many Games 2023 poster at Too Many Games 2024. Special shout out to the anonymous zilchthezilch for the lift and @RavioliBox filmin' my karaoke shits n giggles. I'm leaving for Sveden to make games since Chet Faliszek blocked me and shrooms didn't work. goodbye

Half-Life 2 has received a 20th year update from Valve! AND IT'S FREE TO GET. The first game? DIRT CHEAP.

If you're not sure where to start because you don't play FPSs, start here. If you do, GET THE GAMES FOR FREE TO DIRT CHEAP HERE.

This is not the Valve we once knew, ever quiet, never sentimental, forgotten Half-Life in the annals of their history and moving onto other things. They have released a full fledged documentary, countless quality of life updates, and thank god they bundled the episodes with it, never again can somebody accidently start with Episode One. You just say, "Play Half-Life 1 and 2" and you're done. Do yourself a favor. Experience these games if you never have before. That's all for now, I'm going to go enjoy the update, play the game, watch the documentary and who knows what else.

My new friend made a new game on his new Newgrounds account. And it's a hot one. Literally. Hot as in it's about throwing around a hot potato for some sick burns, hot as in it's brand new being made for a 48 hour game jam, and hot as in it won that game jam!

@crypt1x-dev asked me to do the sound design for his game, and after having so much fun doing it for his GMTK game jam 2024 entry, I didn’t hesitate! So I researched, sampled, mixed and modified different sounds, and went hunting for some creative commons music to meet his specifications. And what better place to find high-quality, free to use music than Newgrounds?

Better still, the game itself was high quality and of great fun! So I figured, if it’s already using music from Newgrounds and it’s this fun, why not publish it to Newgrounds itself? To which he asked, "what is newgrounds?" To which I replied with @Dungeonation 's What is Newgrounds? And before I could say anything more, he made an account, uploaded a couple of creations, fixed up his game and even added some Newgrounds high scores, and here we are! So don't disappoint, go give him a loving warm welcome, and go check out his game! For a 48 hour project with one man programming, it's some damn fine work.

Half-Life just had its 25th anniversary.

Valve, the company behind it and Steam, the world's biggest and best digital storefront for video games, have in the past been typically the quiet, non-sentimental type. I suppose for having no bells or whistles for their 20th anniversary, they wanted to step it up a notch for their 25th. Quality of life fixes, fixing default settings, endless bug fixes. And right now, it's FREE. Nab a copy for yourself on Steam. There has never been a better time to get into Half-Life.

Let me back up. If you don't know much about Half-Life, or want to know what the big deal is, here's the back of the box elevator pitch:

They're not just chasing you. They're hunting you.

Just another day at the office. Or so you thought... until your experiment blew up in your face. Now with aliens coming through the walls, you're scrambling to stay alive. Where should you go? Who can you trust? And can you figure it all out before they scrape you into a body bag?

Think again. You can run. You can hide. But these guys can smell you. And they'd like to get a taste. Change course, they'll follow. Take cover, they'll team up to flush you out. Shut a door, they'll get it open. They're hunting you down. So ask yourself: Is your will to live stronger than theirs?

If you thought all action games were the same, think again. Half-Life's intricate environmental challenges, rich story-line, and frighteningly intelligent adversaries add up to a new kind of challenge - one that demands you use your weapons and your wits. Monsters don't walk blindly into your gunfire - they're cunning as hell and they want to live as badly as you do. Friendly characters aren't cannon fodder - they're critical to your success. A game so alive, so intelligent, so real, you'll swear it has a pulse.

The critics agree. Half-Life is easily the most gripping, frightening and intense game experience ever. Awarded Game of the Year by over 50 publications, Half-life has been called a "Masterpiece of epic proportions."

Run. Think. Shoot. Live.

How do I play?

"Sounds interesting, but I'm no good at video games. I'm just not into these things. I haven't grown up with them and it sounds too hard." Fear not! If this sounds like you, and you have never played a video game before in your life, not a problem. If you're intrigued by the premise, and you'd like to give it a shot, have I got the essentials for you! All of it, 100% FREE. That's right. Half-Life, again, is currently free on Steam for the next few days, so grab it now while you still can! It's yours forever, and you can always come back to it later. If you have a computer, an external mouse, and a love for dangerous and cerebral storytelling, there's no reason not to try this all out for yourself.

1. First, you need to be able to navigate a first-person environment (think Minecraft or the opening of John Carpenter's Halloween). If you have literally zero or minimal experience with video games, Etra's Training Grounds: First Person Shooter is for you. It's designed to be slow and accommodating, and assumes literally zero gaming experience out of you. Extract the ZIP file, and launch ETG-FPS_DTG_MotionBeta_1.exe (Please note there is no sound for this game)
2. Second, you need to use what you've learned to beat a prototypical first-person shooter. Luckily, the progenitor of the genre, the legendary Doom, has its first episode readily available! It will use everything you've learned and more, making it perfect for easing a player into gameplay. And it's legally free shareware! To play it, first download an open modern source port of Doom, GZDoom. Extract the ZIP file into a new folder, then drop the shareware WAD file into it. Then from the folder, just run gzdoom.exe! Remember, old games don't give hints. Read the manual first. If you don't, you'll be missing important additional information on playing, such as on saving and loading. By and large however, it's identical to what you learned in the training program (use E to use doors and switches). If you can beat the first episode of Doom ("Knee Deep in the Dead" on "I'm Too Young to Die" difficulty), you're ready to play Half-Life. You're free to beat the rest of Doom if you feel so inclined. Not only is it a piece of gaming history that kickstarted the FPS genre, but it's a kickass game in its own right!
3. Third, you're finally ready to play Half-Life! Currently free on Steam at this time. Before jumping into the game proper, I strongly recommend reading the manual to learn about how the game works, though not past "ENEMIES AND OTHER CHARACTERS," unless you want a small story surprise spoiled. When you first start the game, you should play the Hazard Course (training room) to learn Half-Life's specifics: Holding shift walks instead of runs, weapons have a right click function, how to swap between weapons, etc. Upon completing it, you're ready. Under New Game, select Easy difficulty (this is a '90s first-person shooter after all, don't pick a higher difficulty unless you feel confident and experienced in FPSes, and never pick hard unless you're an absolute veteran). Turn the lights down, the sound up, and I hope you enjoy. Happy playing.

And remember: Run. Think. Shoot. Live.